On the other hand, I was more afraid of 25. It seemed big to me at the time. For some reason I had in my mind that it was a major stepping stone. Perhaps the step from youth to full adulthood. Of course it also could have been the fact that life just wasn't going the way I had hoped. Before my 25th birthday I had just recently moved to Atlanta -- to me, a big city, full of opportunity, tons of coming-out possibilities, anonymity, free to be myself, independence, excitement. Here I was unemployed, waffling on whether to continue my chosen career path in software development or launch into something fresh and new.
That summer John Mayer filled my head with questions. (I listened to John Mayer before he was so popular that the radio stations overplayed him.) I was yearning to find the truth in my life. I wanted a definite answer. I remember playing John Mayer's Why Georgia song constantly on my stereo.
I wonder sometimes
about the outcome
of a still verdictless life
am I living it right
am I living it right
am I living it right
why, why Georgia, why
How fitting it was that his song was about Georgia. Here I was looking for the outcome in my verdictless life. That year I dubbed the yearning in my soul as a "quarter life crisis". I trudged on in my chosen field. And yet, I still don't know if I made the right decision.
Now at almost-29, I realize that answers never come easily or quickly. Often we make decisions and still wonder if the choice is right. But we follow the paths of our choices, hoping they will take us to the right destination.
I still have the "quarter life crisis" feeling occasionally. Maybe I should reevaluate this feeling. Maybe it isn't a quarter life crisis at all. Maybe there is something inside yearning to come out. I often feel that I'm following someone elses path in life and not my own. I still have questions that need to be answered. And then again maybe I just need to "grow up".
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